french test tmr.
act in less than a few hours time.
im dam so very worried.
its the first time im afraid of a subject in uni
even finals dun terrorise me that much
----------------------------------------------------
i realised
im so very tireds of losing
so very tireds of pretending impo things, impo pple dun matter at all to me
so very tireds of being selfless and bear the pain to let them leave
so very tireds of seeing history repeat itself over and over again and again
im still so very scared to see why pple forget everything in such a short while when they are no longer with you
how they move on so easily without you
how they did not show a trace of reluctance
how they so easily cope with life without ur presence, as if nothing ever existed
tell me,
how did the years and years and years of memories just disappear into thin air
instantly, without a trace
there were real werent they
every past every word every action
where did they go?
where did you throw them?
how did you bear to leave?
here i am struggling
telling myself repeatedly
it doesnt matter, this was the best way, i did right
here i am reminicising
those every moment
i never forgot
how did you forget?
here i am pretending
everything is fine
here i am putting the strongest front
trying to act as if i could cope
but i cant
everyday im reminded
everytime when i feel upset
those little bits made me forget and continue going on
but they dont exist anymore.
im really sick of acting strong
sick of not allowing myself to be selfish
sick of not thinking for myself
sick of doing theoretically correct decisions
sick of not fighting because i knew i shdnt
can i be wrong?
can it come back?
can i be selfish?
why is it that no one ever understands?
not even one
with the warm feeling continue gushing up my face up to my eyes
can i admit honestly
it really matters
too much.
---2:47 AM---
