Labels: reflections..inner tots..memories..experiences..shout outs..
it has been a week since i last blog..n blogger has changed..tis post entry page is now so unfamiliar..trying hard to learn how to use it..hope can post it up successful afterwards..
blogging has become abit of a chore..cos reali cant find anytime to sit down..gather all my tots..and type it down..realise i tink alot alot..random tots every min..bt its jus at tat moment oni..forget everything completely after tat min has passed..short term memory..haha..=)
may is a wierd mth..so mani pple bdae..taurus..still so much to be done..to prepare the gifts..and its less than half done..will try hards..soon soon alright..(:
xy saes my blog lyk scandalous..lyk something going on..gal..dun haf lohs k..=Pp hahax..nv write anything btw the lines in my blog..cos not alot of pple read it..and i'll nv hide anything from my dear blog..(= for more scandalous news..read cherie's blog..* pink flushed cheeks..aHmm* hahahaha..=P
n of cos..a big big belated..cos its alreadi past all the bdaes..of my dear dear darlings..hoped ur truly enjoyed urselves..19 le arhx..haha..muz become more matured..grow ups! haha..but no matter how..we'll stay strong okay..^-^
thank u gals for the outing on sundae..i reali reali enoyed myself..every sec every min of it..the feeling these yrs jus dun fade..it grows stronger n stronger..though its so AA crowding ard in a big circle..n laughing hysterically..attracting wierd glares..sing bdae songs loudly in sakae..wif everyone looking..so embarrasing..but no one minds..its still as fun..nth can take away all the fun happiness n laughter..haf to admit tat everytime we go out..its so aa reali..so loss of control..but who cares..as long as we are happie..haha..sweet pure bliss..thank u gals..chalet soon in july k..bbq!!! =D
realised im so so perfectionist..reali..i flinch at every single flaw i haf..inside n outside..everytime i see someone pretty..i'll be so jealous..n i'll start tinking im ugly..haha..its so stupid..i reali hate it when i see how nice i look in neoprints..i hate it when i look so photogenic in neoprints..and i reali dun noe y..the oni explanation is perhaps when i was taking the photos..i was reali truly happie..maybe happiness reali makes one prettier..hahax..but y are my eyes so big n bright in the neoprints..but its smaller in reali life..y cant i be slimmer..taller..and the whole list goes on..mayb im jus greedy..one can nv be contented..but i dun understand y im so inconfident of myself..i feel ashamed sometimes..i feel ugly..
sorry for the rants again n again..im jus nv satisfied..perhaps no one understands..i alwaes feel tat..i muz be good looking..or at least above average..to be worthy of the love..there muz be a reason y is it mi..and i wan to be worthy of it..i haf tis odd stress to kip up to it..i reali cant allow myself to appear shabby unkept..
im hiding beneath all these clothes i used to cover my true self..to appear more confident..to boost myself..but it jus an empty shell..sometimes..im so sick of dressing up..i feel so demoralised..tat i dun wan to go out at all..mayb up till now..no one can ease tis inconfidence n inferiority im feeling..( mayb tats y im still not attached till now..ah has..haha..) im jus so complicated..how..haha..(:
start to wonder..did i look horrendous in sec..but y is it tat i was so confident then..feels quite ashamed over it though..cos i tink i was so ugly..horrible hair everything..but yet still dun tink im ugly..but now..i shd be better wif rebonding available etc..but yet feel more inferior..perhaps when young..one does not noe the perception of beauty..tinking im mummy's gal..she alwaes sae im good..so of cos im pretty rites..haha..however it is something i haf lost..tis courage n belief..
till now..im still grateful in a way to ja..cos he was the first person to praise mi ever..the first person who appreciated..though after tat..things turned so bad..n we were no longer frens..but he gaf mi the comfort i reali needed at tat time when i was young..n the necklace has become something i cant afford losing..memories memories..after years..its all which is left..
dun worry abt my posts..haha..im completely fine..jus tat..i jus lyk to rant alot..alot. haha..even more since working..complaining abt work every dae..haha..okay..shall complain abt my 40 000 customers report to be rushed out next time..
retail therapy tis sat wif zr..i so so wan to go orchard n shop my hearts out..no..tis time shd be wallet out..haha..end up being broke in the end maybe..haha..but its time for retail session..it has been long..(=
luv 放手 by vanness..its jus nice..though im not reali a bif fan of his..but tat song is act quite touching..haha..
tis is my 5th dae sleeping past 2am..i tink i cant take it soon..collapsing..its so hard trying to force urself to concentrate when ur jus too tireds..sigh..jus haf to hang on..another long dae tmr n it'll be over soon..
kk..its reaching 3 soon..nites..i haf fallen in luv wif ice cream recently..haf a sudden craving for yam..and chocolate..haha..sweet dreams..(=
love.
---1:04 AM---
